Currently Listening Rascal Flatts By Rascal Flatts It's Not Just Me see related

Another month, another entry. Thus goes the days of our lives. Or something like that.

Right here and now is where I start freaking out about making a mistake for my future. Nothing in my personal life or anything, just career-wise. I'm scared that I don't really know what I want to do. Or what if I actually go through the whole process of getting an English major, and then I can't write anything or get anything published and then where will I be? Up the ol' metaphorical creek without that damned paddle. And not the kinky kind either. I don't want to end up alone but if I become a failure, I don't want to be taking anyone down with me, let alone my future...spouse? (We'll stick with that, to be on the safe side.) Oh mighty Xanga, show me the path that doesn't lead to total failure.  

Not to mention that my educational-ego has been on the low side since September. I dread the day that I must go to Edline and check my "progress." Oh, what's this? My math grade just lowered another 3 percentage points? Huzzah, let me throw myself a pity party now. No one else is invited, that would ruin the theme of the "celebration." Let's face it, I'm not the little genius I used to be. I don't have one good subject anymore, I'm just "ok" in all of them, or most of them. Maybe I just contracted senioritis a few years too soon, or something, or maybe I hit my educational peak in the 4th grade.

But, I do have some good stuff going on in my life. I have a pretty kick-ass and stunning new girlfriend who makes me feel great about myself. She listens to me and we agree on a lot of stuff. Sounds like basic stuff, but it doesn't take a lot to make me happy, but she does it all the time. And that's all the mushy stuff you get this time Xanga. Maybe you'll get more next time if you're good. But only maybe.  

Currently Listening Don't You Fake It By The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Face Down see related

Hmm, over a month since my last update. I think it is high time I did so again.

I'm going to be turning 18 in just about 3 months from now. Damn, I feel old and at a loss for words. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to be out in the real world, away from high school and all its restrictions it has forced upon on my life, some more recently than others, but I'm not complaining that much. I'm ready to get out of the Bible Belt and into a more diverse community, one without farmers and cows. I want to start making my own rules regarding my life, because yes, it is my life. But I've got another year and a half before any of that occurs, but I have the patience to wait it out, because some things are just worth waiting for.

I love the courting process of a relationship. Heh, I know one previous relationship hardly makes me an expert on the subject but still, such exhilaration. But of course, when things are going well, I think that the whole thing must feel like this: confusion, excitement, sappy moments, awkward apologies. But maybe it's just me. Needless to say, life is pretty grand right now. My life is, at least.

If I survive* math this year, it will truly be a divine miracle.                * "survive" is synonymous with "pass" 

Currently Listening Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs! By Hellogoodbye All Of Your Love see related

I used to be afraid of change. I was content to be consistent, not necessarily stuck in a rut, just living out my daily routine. But I think I've finally, dare I say it, changed. I've heard from sources that people can sense the change in me; be it a good or bad change remains unknown, but just hearing that I have made a noticeable shift is a sweet victory.

People say junior year is the most challenging one, causing them to really buckle down and grow up. How true. With the workload of this year hanging above my head, I've learned to loosen up and live life with no regrets; no worrying about some stupid little thing that happens, and to just come out of my shell that I've barricaded myself within for the past who knows how many years.

Truly standing on one's own two feet is so liberating. People make such a big deal out of being single and whatnot, but I feel that surviving the downfall of a relationship and thriving in the aftermath is one of the best ways to come into your own. And I think I've finally accomplished that. So hooray for me.  

How is it possible that I am always cold? Geez.

Well, leaving on the trip tomorrow. Pretty intense, I suppose. Sadly, I feel that this year is not up to the par it should be. Oh well, a trip is a trip and I plan to hopefully enjoy myself. Mainly on the bus, since that is where 75% of the trip will take place.

I feel silly for still writing on this thing, since no one reads it anymore. But I will still keep my little Xanga, perhaps for unwarranted rants about nothing or semi-humorous monologues that I have running in my head. I think it is important to have someplace to let loose your emotions, be it a diary, journal, or public web site. So that is what I will be using this for, nothing more, nothing less. Take everything I say with a grain of salt, 'fore I'm sure I will change my mind not 5 minutes later. I feel a cloak of calmness wash over me whenever I hear the familiar tap tap of the keyboard. My brain calculates sentences faster than my hands can produce them, often evoking a sense of incoherency. I could go on and on, spilling my thoughts over this "web" page (hah, pun) but I know that later I will look back upon this entry in disgust and ponder why I felt such a need for incessant rambling.

Damn, I sound really freaking emo up there. What am I turning into?